if you've just eaten. or are about to eat. or are currently eating. close the window.

ok. so. you've been warned. this is pretty gross stuff to write about. it's also probably gross to read about. but nothing is as gross as living through it.

i will not share all the details, since they're a) personal and b) not critical to the story.

and the most important thing i need to share is that my husband is so unbelievably amazing and wonderful, i don't even know how to put it into words.

over the last week, he witnessed me at the worst i've ever been, and he not only didn't run screaming, he actually took care of me with love and tenderness and didn't once make me feel bad about the awful and gross things we were going through.

i've been so sick, you guys. an internal abscess, raging infection and high fever, unable to sit up, literally screaming in pain just from shifting the side i was laying on.

the abscess? the doctor wouldn't take me seriously enough to drain it for me, she just said to take antibiotics. and so, it ruptured on its own. like i said, the abscess was internal, but the rupture sent all the lovely contents streaming out of me.

which. just.

jesus christ, you guys.

the pain, i don't even know how to explain it, other than to say that i'm sure the neighbors think i was being murdered.

and my darling husband just sat there while i spewed forth the most vile things ever to exist on the planet, and he just mopped me up, stroked my forehead, gave me cold water, soothed me and told me it would be ok.

later, of course, he joked about how he thought he might die from the smell (dude. infection? smells like ASS), but at the time he was a perfect and loving partner.

i really wish the doctor would have agreed to drain the damn thing in her office. i guess she thought the antibiotics would make it go away on its own, but i'm pretty sure that's not the way she intended.

i tried to tell her. i called when the swelling was getting bigger and my fever kept going up. i called when i no longer was able to walk. i tried to tell her it was getting serious.

she just said keep up the augmentin and i'll see you in two weeks when i'm back from vacation!

it's weird to think that if it weren't for the invention of antibiotics, i'd probably be dead right now.

lordy.

so aaaaanyway. i'm on the mend. still sore, still draining, still tired and still fighting a fever. but i can sit, i can walk, and i can do most things without pain. and so i'm pretty damned greatful.

nobody is sure what caused the whole thing. the docs just sort of seem to shrug it off, like it's just something that happens.

i find it a little more than coincidence that during a year when when my reproductive system is being poked and prodded more than the entire rest of my life combined, it develops a raging abscess. then there's the the plethora of drugs i'm taking. pills, shots, sublingual tablets, creams...my reproductive tract is essentially undergoing a full on barrage of crap, and it has been for the last two years or so.

i really have a hard time believing that's just a coincidence.

but you know, i didn't go to medical school, so what do i know really?

anyway, harry potter. i should really pick that up this weekend. not because i feel compelled to know nowrightnowomg. but mostly because i don't want to be spoiled by someone else, and i'm fairly sure that won't be sustainable for more than like a day or two.

also, chinese food for dinner.

and friday! yay!

happy weekend, guys.