i don't even know anything anymore.

todays number is 186. still exceedingly low, but more than double the last one. and frankly, after the cramping and bleeding, i was expecting the numbers to drop significantly, and for a miscarriage to be officially declared.

unfortunately, the nurse is a total moron who could not give me one single bit of useful information about what this could mean. i don't need her to try and tell me what will happen, because i'm not dumb and i realize she can't possibly know. but i would very much like for her to tell me if it's even possible that this could still be a viable pregnancy, or if a miscarriage is inevitable.

she just kept telling me she didn't know. and to come back for another test on monday.

for fuck's sake, people. i have track marks and bruises all over my arms from all these damn blood draws and i am so. so. so. SO. sick of being in limbo.

this is like a pregnancy test that takes two weeks to show results.

gah. just knock me out and wake me up when i'm either not pregnant or not miscarrying.

i don't know how anyone is supposed to do this.