alright, well.

i have put this off long enough, i guess. waiting doesn't seem to be making it any clearer how to do this, so i'm just gonna do it.

last week i had a miscarriage.

an early miscarriage, i was only pregnant for a few days. but a miscarriage nonetheless. there is a nice, happy, euphemism for it, called a chemical pregnancy. but it is technically still a miscarriage and i'm not really interested in sugar-coating it. the bottom line is, i got a positive pregnancy test (though the doc could already tell that it was potentially in trouble), we had three days to worry, plan, dream, talk to and fall in love with the cells that were multiplying inside of me. and then we found out that i had, in fact, lost the pregnancy.

so. that's been going on. i don't really feel like talking about it much at the moment. i almost didn't write about it here, because we don't want andrew's family to find out and there are some folks that read who know his family, even if only slightly. so if that's you, please don't say anything, k? thanks.

anyway. it's important, it happened, and i didn't want to ignore it. but now, onward.

in other news, it's a gorgeous spring-like day outside and my husband has the day off and is relaxing in the newly cleaned apartment (molly maids was there this morning. thank god.) and i'm stuck here in this dark, sunless cubicle, with no work to do. it would be bad enough if i had to be here to work, but to have to be here to not work?? gross.

oh! also, this weekend, andrew sold his mustang. it was an interesting mix of sad and happy, but it's some extra cash into savings and it's one less thing on our to-do list. so yay!

also, i made a new recipe this weekend. something called braciola, which i had never heard of, but which ended up being yummy and made the whole house smell good for most of saturday. it's pounded flank steak, rolled around a filling made of eggs and parmesan and bread crumbs, then seared in a pan, then simmered in tomato sauce for two hours, then sliced into pinwheels. yum.

i think that's about all the news i have at the moment. i'll be having lunch with my husband in a little while, and it's amazing how much it improves my mood to see him in the middle of the day.